Friday, July 25, 2014

What the Pirates of the Caribbean 5 synopsis SHOULD be

Ok so, they're making a Pirates of the Caribbean 5.  I guess J.Depp needs another island or something.  Anyway, being that POTC is owned by Disney, this is what I expect for the next installment.  Enjoy.

Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) has broken curses.  He has escaped from the island he was marooned on, his own execution and from Davy Jones’ locker.  He has even discovered the Fountain of Youth.    

But there’s one adventure he hasn’t faced…fatherhood!

Turns out, on one of his many visits to Tortuga, Captain Jack may have “docked prematurely," if you catch my drift.  And for nine months, one of those “wenches” was carrying more than just resentment.  Fifteen years later, Jack Sparrow finally makes a triumphant return to Tortuga in hopes of collecting golden dingleberries from the mythical Dingletree.

Uh-oh...plot twist!  Jack Sparrow has to put his own adventures on hold when he learns about a young man named Peter, who bares a striking resemblance to himself, and whose speech, general mannerisms and behavior indicate being constantly intoxicated, even when completely sober.  

Sparrow also finds out that the principal of Pirate High rules the school with an iron…hook.  The principal clearly has it out for the young pirate-in-training, especially since Peter hasn’t exactly been taking his pirate education seriously.  Jack has 2 weeks to teach his son everything he knows about pirating…or Peter will be expelled from Pirate High forever.  And now Jack has to make the choice of being there for his only (known) son, or continuing his quest for unlimited wealth and the legendary pirate status he’s always wanted.  

Geoffrey Rush reprises his role as Pirate lord/captain/former-royal privateer turned principal, Hector Barbosa, accompanied by an all star cast of Pirate High staff members, including Jack the Monkey as Vice Principal Jack the Monkey, Calypso (Naomie Harris) as the zany and unintelligible Pirate Linguistics teacher, and of course, Pintel and Regetti (Mackenzie Crook and Lee Arenberg respectively) as Pirate High’s wacky janitors!

With returning characters we know and love, and of course, brand new characters like Sharky the shark and Peter’s best friend, Scurvy Dan, Pirates 5 is guaranteed to be a coming-of-age, sing-a-long, romantic sci-fi thriller/comedy, pirate adventure, filled to the brim with fun for the whole family!

Pirates of the Caribbean 5: Plundering through parenthood.

In Theaters Summer 2017.